


We Learn Each Other Slowly

by chassie730



Series: Say It, I Yield [3]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Kings Rising, Self-Hatred, mentions of Laurent's past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7844044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chassie730/pseuds/chassie730
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laurent hasn't been able to come in four days</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Learn Each Other Slowly

Laurent hasn’t been able to come in four days.

This wasn’t a new occurrence, exactly. The tension in him was one he was learning to let go of when he and Damen were together. But the problem with learning is that it was still a journey and not the completion; Laurent had to let go. 

He sometimes wondered if maybe he could never have this--this easy, carefree love making that Damen seemed so familiar with. Laurent had guessed they had made a breakthrough several weeks after Damen’s recovery from Kastor’s knife. Damen had slowly taken on his duties as King, and while the people of Akielos had developed a more skeptical air about them, from Laurent could gauge King Damianos was a beloved ruler, and his coronation secured a fragile piece over the kingdom. Unrest would come; it still existed in the outer reaches, but it was not immediate. With proper planning and attentiveness the scars made by a civil war could be soothed, which Laurent intended

Vere would be conquered as well. It was not his birth right, but the throne was his rightful place. 

And with a promise of hope in the future (not as distant as they perhaps feared, but not close enough for Laurent’s tastes) he and Damen were able to further come together. With their borrowed time came more love making, soft, careful, like Damen had been their first time.  
Laurent hated to admit it, but sometimes that carefulness got to him. Sometimes Damen touched him and Laurent liked it, wanted it-even, and yet even Damen could not draw his body to its natural conclusion. 

But that night, that one night where Damen was finally healed from his wound for the first time and he could touch Laurent properly, Laurent had felt a faint, glimmer of warmth in his stomach after he had spilled for the third time with Damen’s hand between his legs and Akielon words in his ear, that perhaps his tension was a reflection of the past, and here in his new impossible future with Damen he could finally be a lover. 

Naturally, that did not happen, and Laurent knew now how sentimental he had been, how foolish. Damen made him believe in impossible things, because he could achieve impossible things, but he should have realized that the only impossible thing Damen could not overcome was sometimes Laurent himself. Only Laurent could do that, and at that realization Laurent had spent even more foolish nights almost hating himself and Damen in equal terms.

But he could never quite hate Damen, that chasm between his past and his hatred growing wider by the day. 

His acceptance of his own and sole culpability in his tension’s demise led him now to this--  
Four terrible, aching, frustrating days, where no matter how Damen touched him, kissed him, pressed against him, Laurent could not find release. 

Damen held him after, in the warmth of their bed, but Laurent had never felt more like the frigid prince than he did on this night. Tomorrow they would try again, Laurent determined. He could not bear this, this frustration, he feared it would never end, and he hated himself for his own foolishness.

But because they were King reuniting two different kingdoms, they parted in the morning for council meetings, and did not see each other for longer than ten minute intervals for the next week.  
0_0

On the second week, Laurent was directed to the baths by a messenger. 

He briefly considered avoiding that room altogether, but truthfully he had been planning on bathing anyways. He wanted to be irritated, but when he finally strode in to the baths he smelled his favorite citrus oil in the air, and found his husband lounging against the side, submerged in the warm water.

Damen was already naked, as far as Laurent could assume because he could only see the top of Damen’s bare chest above the steam.

Laurent quirked a brow, but he was already undoing the laces to his jacket when Damen gestured towards him, “Bathe with me.”

Laurent considered twice now in so many minutes that he should do the exact opposite as he was being ordered, but the day was weighing on him, and his shoulders felt knotted just so. So while he may have taken longer to undo his laces than entirely necessary, he still obliged.

At first they bathed fastidiously, remaining on their respective sides and only making perfunctory touches and glances at each other, fingers brushing as they passed the soap. But eventually Damen parted the water between them and ran his fingers through Laurent’s hair, his thick, strong hands moving delicately over Laurent’s scalp. Laurent closed his eyes and leaned in, feeling the soft breath of Damen against the bridge of his nose. Damen’s fingers moved downwards, thumbs pressing to nape and rubbing in gentle but determined circles.

When they kissed the breath between them was warm as the steam around them. Damen had pressed softly against him, drawing Laurent in slowly. His hands had moved lower still, but just as carefully, mapping the heated skin of his shoulders, as if Damen could erase all the tension if he was light enough, cautious enough. Maybe he could. Laurent ached to know, yet something cold curled in the pit of his stomach. Damen broke the kiss, and pushed lightly on Laurent’s shoulder, turning him over in his arms so Laurent’s back pressed against Damen’s chest. Laurent held himself still as Damen’s breath ghosted against his neck. He had shivered despite himself. Damen leaned further in, still. Surely there could be nothing between them now but naked skin. 

Laurent anticipated a kiss to his neck, but Damen continued to rub his face against the crook of Laurent’s shoulder. 

“Are you--” Laurent started, and felt the stir of Damen’s arousals against him. Ah, yes, This was familiar. 

“I have you in my arms, that is all,” Damen said, “It is not to a purpose”

Those words held and echo of a distant and aching night, filled with too many questions.. “It seems to be, “ Laurent countered.

“Laurent.” Damen shifted his hips away, but adjusted his group on Laurent’s upper body so Laurent now reclined comfortably, “I do not want to make love to you tonight”

Laurent let out a huff of air, “Don’t you?”

“No.” Damen continued his nuzzling, whispering the words against Laurent, not sensuously, more like a confession, “ I want to hold you. I want to talk to you. I miss your voice.I want you to tell me about your day.”

“My day,’ Laurent said flatly. 

He felt the smirk against his shoulder, that bastard. Well, his brother. Brother of a bastard. “My day was boring. Mostly. It involved a lot of taxes. You?”

“You know I had a meeting regarding my ascension, which was actually a meeting regarding our new capital. Are you worried now that I hold meetings under false pretenses?” 

“I inquire as to how it went.”

“Boring,” Laurent said, and he let the silence last longer than a drawn out beat before he heard himself say, “I believe you may need watch for your Ambassador to Patras.”

“Oh, why is that?”

Laurent told him, most of it. Damen need not know at the moment about the involvement with the Ambassador’s cousin, but Laurent would watch him, too. He would protect Damen’s throne as fiercely as he protected his own; this realization often gave him pause. 

When they finally returned to bed, freshly oiled and speaking in low volume, Laurent fell asleep amidsts a conversation regarding the differences in Akielos and Vere vegetation, and awoke to the first knot in his shoulder beginning to lessen. 

He felt again that tiny glimmer of hope.  
0_0

After another round of long meetings, Laurent decided that if they were to rule together, then they would work together as well. They usually took their day time meals separately, but a quick trip to the kitchens and a conversation with the servants saw to a change.

Laurent gathered their documents together (issues of state, grievances, letters, instructions, books, tax charts) and they read them in either Laurent’s sitting room, seated around a wooden table laden with gold, as they had once poured over maps and battle strategy, or in Damen’s antechamber; Damen at a desk and Laurent at the settee. 

They stayed like that for hours, only speaking to clarify phrasing on a document in their respective languages (they often switched just to practice) or to garner an opinion. 

It was autumn now, but the sun still shone brightly through the window, marking the passage of time in shadows across the wall. They would break for dinner, or other various meetings, or to simply stretch their legs in walks around the castle grounds, returning to each other after no more than a few hours, even if it was just to parse over new thoughts regarding whatever document they had been discussing previously. 

They had not made love again in almost a month, but Laurent sometimes awoke to Damen stiffly leaving the bed, and only returning once he was finished. Laurent could smell the scented oils on him, so he knew where Damen went to find his own release, and that he found it alone. Laurent tried it himself, once or twice, but was unsurprisingly disappointed that after a few half hearted touches that he could still not overcome himself. 

He did not tell Damen. He pretended to still be asleep whenever Damen returned to the bed, obviously sated by his own hand.

Laurent felt that cold, awful pit in his stomach again. 

0_0

Damen had taken to kissing him everywhere and all the time. 

By everywhere, Laurent meant everywhere that was not on the lips. He kissed him there too, light pecks and gentle, sweet kisses, but he also started kissing other parts of Laurent. His hands, when Laurent handed him a pitcher of water. His cheek at the end of the day, his forehead in the morning. The top of his head when Damen demanded they cuddle in their bed (demanded through touch and questioning first if Laurent was comfortable, Damen would never touch him in a way Laurent didn’t consent). 

He kissed his shoulders at night when Laurent removed his jacket, his hip when Laurent was dressing and Damen’s mouth was waist level as he sat on the bed. 

He kissed Laurent when he held him, gently in his arms by the fire place, their shirts removed but their pants still on as they rocked together. Damen was half hard but Laurent was not. Laurent found he didn’t care, as long as Damen would keep massaging small circles in to his hip and pressing his mouth against his in long, deep kisses.

Perhaps he was not as frigid, after all. 

0_0

Laurent dreamt of his Uncle, or a figure like him. A tall, dark, oppressing figure that weighed down his thoughts and darkened his soul. His heart pounded in his ears and he awoke to a whisper of a lullaby in his ear and a gentle hand stroking down his arm. 

He was cold again, from the sweat. He felt that darkness like iron chains around his heart, pulling a sharp pain in his chest. He would never be the carefree, easy lover Damen was. He knew that now, and it settled in his bones like the ache of a fever, chilling him from the inside out. 

“Laurent,” Damen said, and Laurent felt the breath leave his lungs like the cold wind of a winter’s day. “Laurent,” Damen whispered, and his voice carried over him like the soft wisp of a breeze, a slight gentle warmth that carried the hope of better days. 

“Damianos,” Laurent said, and held that name on his tongue like a lifeline. 

(Damianos. King of Akielos. Prince-Killer). 

Lover.

0_0

“I love you,” Damen said, and pressed the truth of those words in kissed to Laurent’s chest. Damen’s hand clasped Laurent’s own, above the matching cuffs, and the cool damp of winter faded away. It was late, they should be sleeping. But Laurent had drawn them in to a conversation about horses, about how they would race at the summer palace of Ios, and Damen had just been describing the gardens there. 

Laurent said nothing for a while after that, his other hand stroking the black curls at Damen’s nape. The fire crackled, the shadows cast soft shapes across the walls, and Damen fell asleep with his lips at Laurent’s heart.

0_0

Damen made him believe in impossible things. Damen made him believe he could be King, that he could stand proud beside a once-enemy as an ally, that while monsters still lurked in the shadows there were only shadows because there was also light. 

Damen made him believe that he could overcome even himself.

He felt it, Damen’s trust, like a warm buzz beneath his skin. He felt Damen’s gaze on him like the rays of the sun. He felt Damen’s touch like a breeze through blue, clear skies, and found that maybe, he had enough warmth to give back, if only a fraction of what he received. 

0_0

They were kissing on the couch again, Laurent on top and Damen beneath. Large hands held him in place just beneath his ass, but the touch, while proprietary, wasn’t demanding. 

Damen’s kisses moved from his mouth, redenned from use, to Laurent’s neck. Laurent trembled, and leaned in closer to allow further access, his hands skating down that broad chest. “Make love to me,” He said, and was pleased with the calmness of his voice. His stomach was a storm, churning and resettling. 

He felt Damen’s smile against the skin of his shoulder, and allowed the fear of his tension crash over him, and wash away.  
Damen pulled back to kiss the palm of his hand, and Laurent let go.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a porn fic of Laurent getting his groove back but it developed feelings. 
> 
> Not sure how to tag this, but it is a story of a character recovering from sexual abuse and how he feels about himself and his sexuality. Please let me know if I need to add more tags.
> 
> I am theirgoldenprince on tumblr


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